Power Exchange

I find it most interesting that so many are drawn to power exchange, yet are dishonest about what they truly seek, with others; and themselves. The entire basis of D/s power exchange is rooted in honesty, being genuine about what you seek is paramount to receiving those things desired.

Many are simply not sure where they fall in the power play because it's all new to T/them. Others however, are very experienced in the BDSM lifestyle and for whatever reasons prefer to hide behind some cloak of deceit, these 'cloaks' take on various forms. Many use passive aggressive behaviors to disguise topping from the bottom, and even to bottoming from the top. I had an interesting experience with this phenomena over the weekend. I had observed a submissive displaying such behavior for quite some time. I decided to experiment and see what happened. I casually mentioned, in a very supportive and caring manner that I, and many of her acquaintances were aware she was very passive aggressive, and we all accepted this about her. I mentioned it only after observing this behavior in her for most of the morning in a hypno-kink chatroom. She immediately not only denied this comment but also responded in an even further passive aggressive manner claiming she was objecting respectfully and yet 'glaring' making disapproving sounds 'pfft' 'snort' and the like. I informed her she had every right to disagree but her display was anything BUT submissive and pretty much was proving my point. To this she became openly disrespectful, rising up as it were to tell me I was 'insecure' and 'not a REAL Domme' ... I kicked her out for being rude and disrespectful as a warning her disrespectful attitude would not be tolerated. Immediately I began receiving vicious private messages while she was simultaneously messaging my collared pet informing him what he was going to tell me for her. I put her on ignore and instructed him to do the same. This sent the poor girl into outer space with RAGE and she messaged her previous Master and claimed I had banned her permanently from the chatroom and called her names, which was not the case at all. He spent the better part of the next hour or two explaining to her I had not attacked her in anyway and had even mentioned it was common knowledge and all who knew her accepted this about her. He reassured her we all liked her just the way she was. Well, his efforts only brought further rageful displays and she became very ugly and extremely vicious; concluding she hoped he literally dropped dead from a medical emergency. Passive aggressive to aggressive...to blatantly viciously aggressive... Submissive?

Another common form of deceit is gender dishonesty. This avenue is most commonly used by male submissives who claim to be female, often Dominant females. I find this very interesting. Why would a male submissive pretend to be a Dominant female? I see several options and none of them will ultimately bring about submission for such men.

Still another venue I see frequently... Dominants that will train a submissive, gain their trust, and then when the sub is trusting and conditioned to go very deeply into trance and surrender, they push hard and refuse to lead. They place the submissive in a spot and leave only two options available to them. Wander lost and aimlessly with no guidance or control... or... Rise up and take control. I have experienced this one first hand as a submissive and it's a terrible spot to be in. The very moment you are least capable of making decisions you are FORCED to make a critical decision. In my case this was a Dominant that wanted control, but did not want the responsibility, so ultimately I was pushed to a place to obey AND decide for myself. Anyone familiar with this lifestyle knows these 2 things cannot co-exist in a submissive and bring any contentment, only confusion, fear, and anger.

I mention these examples to show how very crucial honesty is in practicing D/s. Trust and respect are the corner stones of any D/s relationship and yet, so many who are unable to even be honest with themselves seek out relationships in this lifestyle. I mentioned in the beginning of my post, manytimes this comes about because P/people are new to the concept of D/s and have not had the opportunity to become self-aware of their true inner desires. To these I try to show patience and compassion, guiding them to self awareness and gently push them to look at self. The others I find I have little to no patience with whatsoever and I choose not to tolerate such behavior. Those in the know about BDSM and still CHOOSE to practice deceit for self gain I believe are the ones that keep the vanilla world certain we are all a bunch of sick puppies...

I would like to hear your views and experiences with dishonesty in power exchange and to field any questions newcomers may have.

Des|re