Limits

Limits should always be brought forward VERY early in any BDSM negotiations. Boundaries are those 'limitations' we put on how far we are will to go with something. Often Limits are broken up into two sets, 'hard' limits & 'soft' limits. A hard limit is an area or an activity which is strictly "off limits" or, in no way EVER okay. Anyone that steps over a hard limit in anyway other than entirely by accident does not represent what BDSM stands for in any way whatsoever, and in my humble opinion... not a Dominant at all but rather an abuser. Soft limits on the other hand are areas or activities we might not have tried yet, perhaps we are not sure if they are something we would enjoy, maybe we have even fantasized about them and yet, not dared nor had opportunity to find out or explore to know for sure. Soft limits are often meant to be explored. For some, soft limits are areas or activities not enjoy...that will still be tolerated.

For those new to the concept of BDSM I encourage you to look honestly at what your limits are. Frequently newcomers truly do not know what or where their limits are, to these individuals I encourage you to seek only experienced Dominants to help you explore these areas. I believe a caring and experienced Dominant can help one find their place, and their limits in a safe and healthy manner. Such a Dominant will never become angry when a limit is discovered, but instead they will praise the submissive for having an honest heart and pleased they have discovered something new about themselves. Over time, especially in play with the same Dominant, as trust is built and developed, limits change. This is very common in BDSM, for as both parties come to know and trust one another, more is open to exploration.

I can not state strongly enough that a true and ethical Dom will NEVER disregard a hard limit... NEVER intentionally. Soft limits are sometimes pushed but this too, is usually attempted only after a solid foundation has been established in the D/s relationship. In this age of 'cyber space' we see many online communities of BDSM activity and of course since it can be quite anonymous - we also discover a lot of posers and abusers hiding behind Titles and honorifics of Sir and Ma'am and Master and Mistress. So to the newcomer, reason and wisdom are required. While the submissives role is to 'let go' of decision making and responsibility this should be done only AFTER much thought and discussion has been put into choosing a Dominant that is right for them, submissives do not get a complete 'pass' about responsibility; contrary to some popular cyber space legends. Submissives are accountable and responsible for who they choose to allow into their mind and give control of their body. Making sound choices does not make one a 'bad' or 'not a REAL' submissive. Intelligent submissives will hear these comments regularly online, from those impersonating Dominants in this lifestyle... so beware. Realize you are making a CRUCIAL decision.

The submissive that kow-tows to a Dominant and never asks questions, never checks or interviews a Dominant before giving over control, is often referenced to as 'doormat' submissive, and in my humblest opinion... is also impersonating or misrepresenting the submissive side of this lifestyle; and oft times is vunerable to predatory types. Such individuals have no boundaries to begin with which makes them even less capable of making wise choices in who will be controlling them. Sometimes, a submissive will come to a place of trust in their Dominant and the relationship evolves into Master/slave. Such relationships are usually developed overtime and not made overnight. There is no comparison as I see this scenarios, one is a submissive making a choice to become a slave to their One. This happens only after time and trust been earned...yes, EARNED.. Instantly giving up control without reservation or limits is not the sign of a well adjusted, emotionally sound adult.

Comments A/anyone?

Des|re