Online Power Exchange

The differences between real life encounters and online encounters are very few in some aspects.....VAST in others. I have done both, and I find the main difference I have experienced is that in real life encounters people tend to be more sure of their place and their goals in the D/s power exchange than the online counterparts. Many of the people you will meet online are new to the idea or 'exploring' striving to define where they fit in the scene, or things in the BDSM lifestyle they currently fail to grasp or understand. I try to be patient with such newbies as they need this time of exploration to determine what they will seek in a r/l encounter. Frustration can rise in online encounters with these people that are not sure where they fit, but to the veteran of power exchange I say, you have an opportunity to help a newbie find their way and be an advocate of our lifestyle; please don't put a bad foot forward. Also, A/anyone that is a veteran online BDSM'er is aware that there are many posers and dishonest sorts out there just looking for a 'sucker' and sadly, not the kind of sucker any lifestyler would wish to be. Call upon your experience to discern the difference and help where you can rather than further the stereo-type belief that we are all just asshole sexual deviants. If you are a seasoned net geek you know most of the in's & out's, and do's & don't's regarding meeting new P/people on the net.

For the newbie I offer kind words of encouragement to be honest about your needs and desires, even if that means you say, "I don't know where I fit or what I want". ALWAYS in any power exchange setting honesty is the BEST policy. Don't be ashamed to say you are new and you are still clueless. A/all of us were new at one time, that is just the reality of the situation. When you find people unwilling to answer your questions or address any concerns you might have, count yourself lucky you didn't play with such a person and move on with gratitude. When you find S/someone you connect to or click with well, be honest and tell them your feelings and thoughts when asked, don't hold back from being embarrassed about your kinks, fetishes or fantasies. How else will you ever get such desires or basic needs fulfilled if you are not up front about what they are? When you are confused or unsure just say so. You do not need to trust all at once to accomplish this and I do not suggest that you should. When meeting and getting to know prospective playmates trust a little at a time, as that trust is E-A-R-N-E-D [YES!!! EARNED]. Know that A/anyone expecting total trust and ultimate slavery or total control are not true lifestylers but rather abusers that hide behind the lifestyle lingo, and present a negative BDSM face to the vanilla world. When you encounter such people my advice is to move in the opposite direction rapidly but without fear. Remember you are an adult and conduct yourself so to the best of your ability whether Dominant or submissive. Any lifestyler that does not respect this during introduction times will never respect you later, and next to honesty TRUST & RESPECT are paramount in the success of any D/s encounter. Don't buy into the Dominant that shows you no respect because they consider you a slave. The Wisest Dom's give ultimate respect to their submissives and slaves. AND, FYI... they also apologize when they are wrong. Being dominant does not let one off the hook about being an adult. Dominants need to first and foremost be in control of themselves before they can ever hope to Dominate another in a healthy manner. If the Dom is not concerned about the well being of their sub or slave, again I say... they are not a lifestyler, they are abusive.

Remember: honesty, trust, respect... All are needed for healthy power exchange. When all else fails, go with your gut. Listens to your intuition and when your gut says, "avoid this situation", LISTEN!

In closing I must add, NEVER allow an online encounter to pressure you into a real life meeting. Meet people in r/t only after you feel you know them... and... when YOU are ready.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to A/all :)

Have a safe and Happy Holiday season no matter what you celebrate.

[was that politically correct enough?]

Des|re