Limits

Limits should always be brought forward VERY early in any BDSM negotiations. Boundaries are those 'limitations' we put on how far we are will to go with something. Often Limits are broken up into two sets, 'hard' limits & 'soft' limits. A hard limit is an area or an activity which is strictly "off limits" or, in no way EVER okay. Anyone that steps over a hard limit in anyway other than entirely by accident does not represent what BDSM stands for in any way whatsoever, and in my humble opinion... not a Dominant at all but rather an abuser. Soft limits on the other hand are areas or activities we might not have tried yet, perhaps we are not sure if they are something we would enjoy, maybe we have even fantasized about them and yet, not dared nor had opportunity to find out or explore to know for sure. Soft limits are often meant to be explored. For some, soft limits are areas or activities not enjoy...that will still be tolerated.

For those new to the concept of BDSM I encourage you to look honestly at what your limits are. Frequently newcomers truly do not know what or where their limits are, to these individuals I encourage you to seek only experienced Dominants to help you explore these areas. I believe a caring and experienced Dominant can help one find their place, and their limits in a safe and healthy manner. Such a Dominant will never become angry when a limit is discovered, but instead they will praise the submissive for having an honest heart and pleased they have discovered something new about themselves. Over time, especially in play with the same Dominant, as trust is built and developed, limits change. This is very common in BDSM, for as both parties come to know and trust one another, more is open to exploration.

I can not state strongly enough that a true and ethical Dom will NEVER disregard a hard limit... NEVER intentionally. Soft limits are sometimes pushed but this too, is usually attempted only after a solid foundation has been established in the D/s relationship. In this age of 'cyber space' we see many online communities of BDSM activity and of course since it can be quite anonymous - we also discover a lot of posers and abusers hiding behind Titles and honorifics of Sir and Ma'am and Master and Mistress. So to the newcomer, reason and wisdom are required. While the submissives role is to 'let go' of decision making and responsibility this should be done only AFTER much thought and discussion has been put into choosing a Dominant that is right for them, submissives do not get a complete 'pass' about responsibility; contrary to some popular cyber space legends. Submissives are accountable and responsible for who they choose to allow into their mind and give control of their body. Making sound choices does not make one a 'bad' or 'not a REAL' submissive. Intelligent submissives will hear these comments regularly online, from those impersonating Dominants in this lifestyle... so beware. Realize you are making a CRUCIAL decision.

The submissive that kow-tows to a Dominant and never asks questions, never checks or interviews a Dominant before giving over control, is often referenced to as 'doormat' submissive, and in my humblest opinion... is also impersonating or misrepresenting the submissive side of this lifestyle; and oft times is vunerable to predatory types. Such individuals have no boundaries to begin with which makes them even less capable of making wise choices in who will be controlling them. Sometimes, a submissive will come to a place of trust in their Dominant and the relationship evolves into Master/slave. Such relationships are usually developed overtime and not made overnight. There is no comparison as I see this scenarios, one is a submissive making a choice to become a slave to their One. This happens only after time and trust been earned...yes, EARNED.. Instantly giving up control without reservation or limits is not the sign of a well adjusted, emotionally sound adult.

Comments A/anyone?

Des|re

Power Exchange

I find it most interesting that so many are drawn to power exchange, yet are dishonest about what they truly seek, with others; and themselves. The entire basis of D/s power exchange is rooted in honesty, being genuine about what you seek is paramount to receiving those things desired.

Many are simply not sure where they fall in the power play because it's all new to T/them. Others however, are very experienced in the BDSM lifestyle and for whatever reasons prefer to hide behind some cloak of deceit, these 'cloaks' take on various forms. Many use passive aggressive behaviors to disguise topping from the bottom, and even to bottoming from the top. I had an interesting experience with this phenomena over the weekend. I had observed a submissive displaying such behavior for quite some time. I decided to experiment and see what happened. I casually mentioned, in a very supportive and caring manner that I, and many of her acquaintances were aware she was very passive aggressive, and we all accepted this about her. I mentioned it only after observing this behavior in her for most of the morning in a hypno-kink chatroom. She immediately not only denied this comment but also responded in an even further passive aggressive manner claiming she was objecting respectfully and yet 'glaring' making disapproving sounds 'pfft' 'snort' and the like. I informed her she had every right to disagree but her display was anything BUT submissive and pretty much was proving my point. To this she became openly disrespectful, rising up as it were to tell me I was 'insecure' and 'not a REAL Domme' ... I kicked her out for being rude and disrespectful as a warning her disrespectful attitude would not be tolerated. Immediately I began receiving vicious private messages while she was simultaneously messaging my collared pet informing him what he was going to tell me for her. I put her on ignore and instructed him to do the same. This sent the poor girl into outer space with RAGE and she messaged her previous Master and claimed I had banned her permanently from the chatroom and called her names, which was not the case at all. He spent the better part of the next hour or two explaining to her I had not attacked her in anyway and had even mentioned it was common knowledge and all who knew her accepted this about her. He reassured her we all liked her just the way she was. Well, his efforts only brought further rageful displays and she became very ugly and extremely vicious; concluding she hoped he literally dropped dead from a medical emergency. Passive aggressive to aggressive...to blatantly viciously aggressive... Submissive?

Another common form of deceit is gender dishonesty. This avenue is most commonly used by male submissives who claim to be female, often Dominant females. I find this very interesting. Why would a male submissive pretend to be a Dominant female? I see several options and none of them will ultimately bring about submission for such men.

Still another venue I see frequently... Dominants that will train a submissive, gain their trust, and then when the sub is trusting and conditioned to go very deeply into trance and surrender, they push hard and refuse to lead. They place the submissive in a spot and leave only two options available to them. Wander lost and aimlessly with no guidance or control... or... Rise up and take control. I have experienced this one first hand as a submissive and it's a terrible spot to be in. The very moment you are least capable of making decisions you are FORCED to make a critical decision. In my case this was a Dominant that wanted control, but did not want the responsibility, so ultimately I was pushed to a place to obey AND decide for myself. Anyone familiar with this lifestyle knows these 2 things cannot co-exist in a submissive and bring any contentment, only confusion, fear, and anger.

I mention these examples to show how very crucial honesty is in practicing D/s. Trust and respect are the corner stones of any D/s relationship and yet, so many who are unable to even be honest with themselves seek out relationships in this lifestyle. I mentioned in the beginning of my post, manytimes this comes about because P/people are new to the concept of D/s and have not had the opportunity to become self-aware of their true inner desires. To these I try to show patience and compassion, guiding them to self awareness and gently push them to look at self. The others I find I have little to no patience with whatsoever and I choose not to tolerate such behavior. Those in the know about BDSM and still CHOOSE to practice deceit for self gain I believe are the ones that keep the vanilla world certain we are all a bunch of sick puppies...

I would like to hear your views and experiences with dishonesty in power exchange and to field any questions newcomers may have.

Des|re

Erotic Hypnosis

Simply put, Erotic Hypnosis is the Art of guiding another into a highly suggestible altered/trance state for the purpose of intensifying erotic pleasure and facilitating power exchange. Contrary to Urban Legend, Hypnosis is not Mindcontrol, and the two are NOT interchangeable terms. Hypnosis, especially Erotic Hypnosis is a Craft that Hypnotists work years to develop and hone, to lead the subject to places only fantasized about in the past.

Erotic Trance is not complicated, however it is complex when wielded with skill. As with anything, ethics come into play in the Erotic Hypnosis Fetish scene. It's important to note: Many Hypnotists are trustworthy and ethical, and take part in only consensual Hypnotic Sessions. Just as many people claiming to be, and sometimes even Certified Hypnotists are NOT. Common sense will take a prospective subject far when deciding who they will allow into their mind.

Erotic Hypnosis is a practice for consenting ADULTS, and intended purely for Adult Power Exchange & entertainment. As consenting adults it is our responsibility to make informed and educated choices when allowing another into our deepest thoughts and desires. The responsibility to the subject from the Hypnotist is a large one, and should never be taken lightly. When both parties of an Erotic Hypnosis Session are consensual about the details of the session AND behaving responsibly incredible things are possible.

That's just yummy.

Greetings

Greetings and Salutations to A/all,

I claim yet another small piece of cyber space to advocate my Craft and promote the Art of Erotic Hypnosis. I am creating these Dungeon Diaries to compliment my Yahoo 360 Page Blog, commanding a broader impact on the D/s & BDSM; as well as the fetish scenes.

You will be hearing from me. *kisses*